I have been having a rough time. Experiences have taught me that writing my thoughts down seems to help with the anxiety, but I don't know if I can put into words what I am feeling. I wish I could see a light at the end of the tunnel, it's like I am standing in the dark, all alone, just me and my destructive thoughts! Not even a glimmer or a slight light. I am wandering because it's worse to stay put! I don't know which way to go and I am going to panic! I know there is a light, somewhere, maybe if I wander long enough I'll stumble upon it. But, what if I wander away or never find it? I am doing all the right things... At least I think I am. I'm scared. I'm so tired of letting my hopes be smashed time and time again. This could be much worse, if I let my heart get too vulnerable. But, experiences taught me to take it little by little. What if the right one comes along and my heart is too afraid to open? I can think of one other time in my life when my heart literally ached! Yesterday, I could barely breathe, other than that I felt fine, sad, but okay. I just don't understand it sometimes. I knew it was going to happen but my heart did not want to accept it! He said I deserved better. I don't know if I do or if I can get any one better! My goals right now is to is to find me. I'm going to focus on work and school and in my very limited free time, me. I'm going to focus on what I enjoy and have faith in knowing that God has a plan for me. I know I will find happiness (in all senses of the word) in doing what I love!
I decided to share this entry at the beginning of this year because, sadly, it was the last entry of 2013. What a sad note to end on. Also, April? Really, Jess! Let's work on that! I am SO incredibly grateful that in real life, that is not how it has ended! Not only did I accomplish the goals I listed! (I have a 4.0 in school so far, and I am growing my business, I have found what makes me happy and what motivates me, and I have lost, last time I checked over 20 pounds!) I have also found the light at the end of the tunnel of singlehood! This year has possibly been the hardest in my life! Health issues, being 26 in your parents house, and being last of your siblings to be married! I know, it is so cliche! Especially for happyville, Utah, but being a wife and a mother is what Jessica Diamond was created for! It's all I have ever wanted and dreamed of! I have planned my life around eventually becoming a wife and mommy! Ladies and Gentlemen, 2014 is going to be an amazing and eventful year! I can't wait for what is ahead!! 🎉 Thanks for reading, hopefully, my entry can help others to see it does work out! Not on our time, but in the right time!
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